Dating Burnout Part 2: Approach to Overcome Online Dating Burnout

In Part 1 of this post, we explored the topic of online dating burnout by highlighting how widespread it has become in modern dating apps. If you have not read the first post already, we go over some of the symptoms of online dating burnout. This way, you can see if you are amongst the 80% of single online daters going through this.

We also highlighted some of the reasons that can cause burnout in the first place: 1) Rejection, 2) Negative Interactions, 3) Confusing Interactions, 4) Unmet Needs, 5) Internal Pressure and Expectations, 6) Weak or Lack of Boundaries, 7) Self-Defeating Interpretations. So, in this follow-up post, I want to expand the conversation further by outlining my approach to overcoming it. The kicker is that my approach is quite different than what most websites suggest.

The standard advice for approaching dating burnout 

If you googled "online dating burnout" today, the most common suggestion is to take some time off dating apps. They suggest taking a break from them for a while and focusing on other activities that bring joy and happiness. Some suggest minimizing the amount of time you spend on dating apps by setting limits on how often and long you visit them.

And the advice makes sense. Avoiding the trigger in the first place will help you gain some emotional space so that your emotional exhaustion will not take over your life. Gaining some distance, resting, distracting yourself, and focusing on self-care can make you feel brand new. It can also give you room to overcome relationship failures.

They may even suggest pausing online dating for a while and going to other sources for meeting new people besides dating apps. These sources may include family, colleagues, or friends who live nearby, attend social activities, or just show up to group events with friends. If you have been feeling burned out for a while, this advice can help you disengage and reset yourself.

Especially if you think that online dating is consuming your life and you need a break, you should absolutely do so. The same goes for considering other sources of meeting people. Which I believe will benefit you regardless of being burned out or not.

Why the standard approach doesn't work long-term

The problem arises from the fact that the standard recommendations above are basically disengagement tactics. The problem with a strategy of just avoiding something is that it will not work if you ever have to be exposed to it again. It is a quick fix that essentially eliminates the trigger temporarily. In this case, that trigger is online dating.

In fact, repeatedly going on and off the apps can lead to a feeling of hopelessness. Seeing the exact same matches that you had before can make you start thinking negatively about the dating pool and your romantic prospects. It can make you feel either that "all the good ones are taken" or "all the ones left are too picky."

Ultimately, I am not trying to address the decision of whether you should or should not use online dating apps in this post. However, for most of you, it is pretty likely that you will eventually venture back into the world of online dating again after feeling a little bit less emotionally drained.

Unfortunately, if you return to the apps, you will feel burned out again shortly after. You will likely encounter the same experiences that you encountered the first time. These same experiences, same circumstances, and same attitude, with no changes to the way you relate to online dating, will predictably lead to the same outcome.

Going down this path creates a cycle of burnout. You may get temporary relief from the disengagement, but you get burned out faster and faster each time you get back on.

The approach to overcoming dating burnout long-term

For the burnout cycle to dissipate, you must fundamentally change the way in which you view, engage, and relate to online dating. Otherwise, same always leads to same. The only long-term solution is to address the root problem.

The only way to overcome burnout long-term is to develop a healthier strategy and outlook on the online dating process in general. Now, there is a role for taking a break from online dating. In fact, if you are currently feeling extremely overwhelmed, I would encourage you to do so.

But while on your break, I would suggest that you do the work to redefine your online dating experience. Changing your relationship with online dating will allow you to develop perspectives, gain awareness, conduct yourself effectively, and set limits that prevent you from burning out.

If you are absolutely burned out, doing this work while not engaging in the process itself may be helpful. Give yourself time to disengage and take a breather. But use this as an opportunity to change this temporary fix into a permanent one. This is the approach I would suggest you take when addressing online dating burnout.

So how to redefine the online dating experience?

In Part 1 of this post, I went into detail about the 7 factors that lead to dating burnout. The first three are external, and the last four are internal. Addressing and working through each one of these factors is the key to overcoming burnout. Consciously going through each factor by understanding your position currently and thinking of ways to improve and/or reframe your experience is a start. Then, you can develop a strategy to deal healthily with each of these factors by fundamentally changing how you think, feel, and behave in online dating. Remember that everything you need to overcome online dating burnout is inside you! You do not have the power to change the dating culture, your matches, or humanity. The only person that you can change is yourself and your mindset.

You can take charge of your own well-being today! Although you cannot control some external factors, you can always change your perspective about them. This change in perception and interpretation of events that happen to you will get you out of the victim mode. It will help you gain more empowering beliefs and thoughts about online dating.

Then look inward and start changing your internal factors. Work through understanding and contextualizing your needs, expectations, boundaries, and interpretations in online dating. I assure you that these changes to your new dating life will make you much better equipped to handle the ups and downs of online dating. You become burnout-proof!

If you are still at a loss on how to do that, I can help you. In my coaching sessions, I can walk you through this process step-by-step. I will gather information on your dating habits and patterns and develop a personalized program. Your program will be designed specifically to help you redefine your dating experience and reignite your enthusiasm for online dating!

Whether you are a man or a woman, I can work with you to overcome the specific challenges you may face in online dating. I will help you get clear on your patterns, thoughts, and behaviors in dating and how they contribute to burnout. I go over exactly how to address each factor. You know precisely how to transform each part of your dating life into a healthy and highly satisfying experience. So, book my initial FREE assessment session below to get started today!

Growtheart Actionable Step:

Think about your relationship, not with your matches or potential romantic connections, but with online dating in general! Is it a love-hate relationship? Focus on one factor and work to consciously improve it.