Kensho

That was also when I discovered the Buddhist concept of Kensho, which is an initial awakening when you finally manage to look inside to see the true nature of the self. This usually happens when your idea of self is severely threatened. It coincides with the most painful moments in our lives happening unexpectedly as all illusion of control and ego is shattered. In my case, my entire identity as the perfect wife and mother was gone. There were no more lies to hide behind. I was no longer in control of the path of my life. My ego had been stripped, and I had been made bare by pure reality. It was terrifying.

It was also then that I experienced the full power of human resiliency. In Buddhist teachings, this initial suffering is the catalyst for Kensho, the beginning of one's awakening towards a path of enlightenment. The pain makes you question yourself and the world around you, seeking answers. So it was only natural that I began seeking answers.

Initially, I thought that if I could be better in touch with my emotions and communicate them more effectively, I would "fix the problem." I even made a New Year's resolution to focus on that. I started reading books, listening to audiobooks, participating in workshops, taking multiple courses, and researching extensively to understand myself, my emotions, and my actions. I worked with numerous therapists, coaches, and even matchmakers to gain self-awareness and understand my patterns in love. The beautiful thing about the universe is that when you are genuinely committed to the process of seeking answers and open to receiving them, the universe will absolutely provide you with what you need. Although often, this is very different than what you initially thought you wanted.

Every answer I got came with many more questions I needed answers for. I learned that it was perfect to be imperfect. But it took me a long time to make peace with many of my imperfections. Some I'm still working on today. I realized that I had looked externally for a sense of success, safety, validation, love, peace, and self-worth all my life. I loved to love because it was a means for me to get a sense of self-worth and validation. I wonder if I ever saw, understood, and appreciated the men hidden behind my insatiable needs. I was always hungry for love back then, but I didn't truly understand what healthy love was.

Creator

The one thing you can count on is that universe always has a sense of humor. After spending almost every moment of my life trying to get to a point where I was happy with myself and feeling absolutely happy alone, I realized that love was still a priority in my life. This time it was not because I needed love for self-esteem. But because I wanted to experience true love and be able to see, understand, and genuinely accept someone and receive that back. I believe that being able to truly love someone is the ultimate mirror of yourself and transcends the next level of consciousness.

It was then that I shifted my focus to finding not just a partner but MY PARTNER. I had done the work to understand precisely what I wanted and what I needed. I was empowered to stand 100% behind my boundaries, core values, standards, and dealbreakers. I think that when you are that clear about your vision and yourself, everything works in your favor. I can spew out all the neuroscience and psychology behind "selective perception," "selective attention," or "value tagging" that happens in our brains when we manifest. But essentially, the spiritual explanation is that the universe aligns from you and with you.

It was then that I met my current boyfriend, who I now live with. We now joke about how we manifested each other. The truth is that we both became the best versions of ourselves in our own journeys. Now, we are two people who can genuinely love. And the work I did on myself and my relationships during that year has definitely paid off. I am in a much better position to co-create an incredible relationship. I have all the tools to develop healthy communication, build and maintain emotional intimacy, de-escalate conflicts, and form shared goals and dreams. I am conscious of all my toxic patterns and now have the skills to prevent them from developing. Lastly, becoming self-aware, accepting, and compassionate towards myself allows me to be vulnerable and show him my authentic, imperfect me every day. Deep down inside, we all want to be loved, seen, and understood for who we truly are.

I am happy to have gone on the journey that I have gone through. At times the pain and suffering seemed too much to bear. But I wouldn't have been able to create the relationship I have now without my own Kensho moment. And most importantly of all, I have a fantastic relationship with not just my boyfriend but also myself.

Work with Me

If you feel frustrated, alone, and anxious about your love life, I am here to help you turn it around. You will get personalized support from me to help you navigate break-ups, dating, or issues with a relationship.

I will work with you through 1:1 coaching to help guide you through this challenging process. We will work together to identify and break through any obstacles. I want you to feel confident and empowered to achieve your goals. So, if you are serious about creating the relationship of your dreams, book an initial coaching assessment with me today!